Mine is always a go-to compliment, people love hearing about how much you like them. Of course, sometimes you stroke the ego too much and it backfires, but that’s more a reflection of them than you.

Getting out there and meeting new people isn’t easy. I don’t think I’ve met a new person who was actually anywhere near the potential relationship radar in months. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen. Not for a long while. But what’s most important is being open to new experiences.

If you do the same things, see the same people, and go to the same places, eventually you’ll hit a wall with interaction. I myself like to lead an adventurous life, an action-packed train with a destination for success. But that doesn’t always leave me time to meet new people or room to be comfortable with the idea of committing to someone and trying to fit them into my life.

Not only is getting out there about getting to know new people, but it’s also about letting a new person know you. I ask myself, “Am I going to scare them off talking about this? Am I sharing too early? Am I not interesting enough for them?” It becomes almost like you’re aiming to fit a mold due to worry. I these situations, I remember that everything that is happening is completely brand new, and therefore has no rules. The idea of having no guidelines is scary, but the easiest-to-do-hardest-to-believe piece of advice is to be yourself and go with your gut. If you aren’t crazy about something, say so. If you want more of something, voice how you feel. People respect honesty and those who see honesty are more likely to reciprocate.

There is a slight, but very real, possibility of someone manipulating your feelings. Again, another reflection of them rather than you. Dating is supposed to be fun, even bad dates teach you something positive. I’ve been on a load of bad dates and even ones that weren’t so bad but just weren’t what I wanted. What I want is still unclear, but what I do know is that I would prefer someone else.

To investigate more on the feral beast that is the modern dating scene, I read Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance. He, along with Eric Klinenberg, had a lot of good points and interesting cross-cultural research on what dating has been like throughout the years. Ultimately, he said what I’m saying now: be yourself and try new things. That right-swipe won’t become anything if you never meet them in person. A relationship of any kind is never built on a lie. If you click, there’s a reason. But the first step is the approach and taking the plunge.

What do you think, is the worst part of dating that step outside your comfort zone? Or are you a social butterfly who loves to interact with new people?

Let us know in the comments below, and be sure to share with friends! Remember to follow SONIC ECLECTIC on Facebook and YouTube for updates!

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We have the best kind (“Alana is my best friend because I wouldn’t function properly without her in my life.”), the kind that you only see in specific settings (“Melanie, my friend from camp/work/class.”), the kind you meet in crazy situations (“I met Andy at this party where neither of us knew the host. I don’t remember it all, but basically we drank an entire handle of the strongest liquor they had and stole their giraffe statue. We’ve been friends ever since.”), the list goes on. We have many friends for many different aspects of our lives, and not everyone is meant to stay, but they’re all meant to teach you something.

Friendship is an extremely important variable in dating. To be in a successful relationship, I feel as though you need to find a friendship in whoever you’re dating before anything. While friendships don’t always blossom before relationships do, I find that as long as both parties are working towards knowing and understanding one another fully, a companionship of epic proportions can be created. After all, arranged marriages, as archaic and borderline inhumane as they seem, have the possibility to grow into mature and healthy relationships because of the fact that two people learn to love and respect one another.

In learning to love, friendship plays a big part. Learning to love someone means that you acknowledge their faults and supplement them in the ways that you can. It means not trying to change someone, but complement them in a way to help them to be their best. It also means if ever necessary to draw a line and having the other person respect that. A large basis of friendship is respecting someone for who they are and letting them be that for you. As beautiful of a sentiment, it’s a hard thing to push out of your mind all the ways you desire to “fix” someone and just accepting them how they are. This is a feat I still have yet to master, and at this rate, I genuinely wonder if I ever will.

When talking about friendship and dating, we get into the unchartered, often dangerous, territory of a Friend with Benefits. Personally, I have no clue what this is supposed to mean, because wouldn’t that technically constitute as a significant other? “Benefits” infers sexual intimacy, but the “Friends” bit should connotate that respect and acceptance in a relationship between two people: a reliance upon that person for support, a willingness to share more than just your body with a person. If you do all those things with them, that sounds like a whole relationship to me without a title attached.

I don’t think many people see it that way, but they should. If you’re having multiple friends with benefits situations, it seems like a lot to juggle based on this loosely-defined phrase. Even one can seem like a ton of work if you talk to them consistently, spend regulated time with one another. Casual sex is so different from being friendly and involved with someone in the way a “Friends with Benefits” situation might suggest.

Often, when people tell me about their FWB situations, it seems more like a reoccurring one-night-stand. They’re detached from this person, in however which way: mentally, emotionally, socially; but the physicality of the act keeps them around. When it comes to me, I can’t just enjoy empty sex like that. I have to like the person that I’m choosing to give myself to, because if I don’t enjoy their company, I don’t see any point to engage. Meaningless sex has more often than not left me feeling dirty, used, and disappointed, simply because it’s just a movement without an emotional response.

It’s like exercise. You start because you’re aiming for a specific means to an end, whether it be for the hormone high to release in your brain or for the physical proof of your body developing. When you’re working towards a goal, you attribute your success to an emotional response: happiness in this example. Every time you get closer to your goal, your emotional resonance with that feeling gets stronger. If you went to the gym and saw no results, felt no different and saw no interaction between your goal and your work, you’d probably stop going. The same premise lies in a relationship lacking an emotional connection. If you don’t really get anything out of it but a good lay, if even that, doesn’t that get boring eventually? How does something like that truthfully enrich your life?

With this question in mind, Friends with Benefits situations end one of two ways. Either you start dating, or you don’t because one of you caught feelings and the other is completely fine with the physical. I always find that part so uncomfortable, because it’s just sad. Someone is willing to say, “let’s do this,” and the other person has to turn them down because they just don’t feel the same. And even if two people give a shot at a relationship, eventually one person could realize it wasn’t what they wanted and they would have to let the other person down, if it even ends that amicably. It’s a very sad situation that comes from a hollow foundation to begin with.

What do you think, have you been in Friends with Benefits situations? Do you care for them? Do they work for you?

Let us know in the comments below, and be sure to share with friends! Remember to follow SONIC ECLECTIC on Facebook and YouTube for updates!

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If you’ve dated, more likely than not, you’ve been dumped, or have dumped someone.

(For all of you love birds who have been together since the first day you laid eyes on each other and have been inseparable since, this article is not for you. However, as a courtesy, please forward this link to your friends who haven’t been in relationships for awhile. Thank you.)

As the saying goes, breaking up is hard to do. Depending on the reason as well as the current standing of your relationship, it only gets more difficult. There are different varieties, such as The (very rare) Amicable Break-Up, where you just universally stop wanting to entertain a relationship one another, or the It’s Not You, It’s Me, which usually means it’s something they don’t like about you anymore. There’s also the volatile Emotion-Fueled Break-Up, starter pack including a deceit, distrust, and/or a solid object of which someone threw at the other’s head as they set all of their belongings on the front lawn. Home-wrecker sold separately.

The by far worst break up, though, is the one you don’t expect, because you aren’t even really dating. Singling-Mingling-You starts out really excited to start seeing someone, but after you hang out once, they start dodging your calls, texts, or you altogether. You feel like crap, not only because you really thought you could be with them, but also that you don’t even know if you were exclusive to each other. Doubt sits on your shoulder, whispering, “what if they were seeing you and four other people and they liked you the least?” (This is what I like to call The Weakest Link effect.)

Dating nowadays can be rough, because you have to swim in multiple pools. That whole “there’s more fish in the sea” analogy? Yeah, there are more fish, but, you gotta catch a couple and weed out the one you want by process of elimination. What if you thought you were ready to commit to this fish, and it turned out to be poisonous? You can’t just go one by one by one when you’re out in the dating pool, because truthfully there’s too many heads to comb through. Also, more likely than not, you’re not sure what you’re looking for, but with budding technologies and a variety of people with different expectations, you end up finding all the things you could care less about.

I swore to thirteen-year-old self that if I ever broke up with someone, I would never get back together with them. Now, no one is perfect, and of course I’ve aimed to get back into the gathered graces of my exes with a little fooling around along the way, but I can proudly say I’ve never said had those “getting-back-together” plans follow through, whether it be the universe or myself to thank.

Now, being past recalling being dumped or doing dumping before, I can admit those experiences have made me a better person. Getting dumped doesn’t always mean the end of the world. As cheesy as it sounds, you get to date yourself by putting your needs before anyone else’s. You get to ask yourself the questions other’s may not have thought to, like what you truly want; what do you want to be, what do you want to do, what do you want to improve? The possibilities are endless. You are free to try new things, be as much of yourself as you can muster, and you don’t have to worry about anyone holding a microscope to your actions they might not like.

The transition to a party-of-one from a tandem-twosome can be less-than-stellar, but for a lot of people I know including myself, the best thing that could have happened to them is being dumped by someone who they realized later was toxic to their well-being. After you get dumped, you realize how truthfully awful that person was. Sometimes you realize, “I was the best part of them, and they chose to let me go.” Other times, you come to the realization that you can now do that thing you always wanted to do but never had the opportunity to when you were in that relationship, like dyeing your hair green or taking up fencing. Being dumped can be rewarding if you just remember to pick yourself up out of your own sadness. For those of us who are in love with our own griping and moaning, a good friend and an activity you enjoy can do a world of good on a damaged heart.

Also, a great way to get over a break up is to take up another activity, such as the timeless solution of exercising. There is no better revenge than being happy, healthy, sexy and successful. As a spite-driven individual, I aim to better myself on all levels just so they can peep my graceful ascension into greatness via social networking and suck it. Regardless of your motivation, remember that you can always improve yourself, and getting dumped might just be the kick you needed.

How do you feel about being dumped? Would you rather be dumped or put the final nail in the coffin yourself? What’s the worst break up you went through, where are you now, and how did you handle it? Let us know in the comments!

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