The dreaded way-too-serious “I” word: Intimacy.

The word “intimacy” makes relationships scary. It just has a weight to it that makes things somehow too real. Now plug “issues” next to it, and you’ve got one frightening equation.

Intimacy is any form of closeness. People use it in exchange for behaviors with sexual motives, but I wouldn’t limit it to just sex acts. When someone has a fear of intimacy, it means they’re afraid of being either emotionally or physically close to someone else, sometimes both.

What do we think can cause a feeling like this? Often we look at past relationships, whether romantic, nurturing, or platonic; and examine how others have treated us before to make sense of our relationships with others now. Regardless of what we believe to cause this problem, issues in bonding with others manifests itself in different ways, and its tendency is subconscious.

Often, it’s when things are going well that intimacy issues decide to rear their ugly head. You’re talking to someone new, and you’re excited. “This person is being so sweet to me!” You think. “A little too sweet…”

Once this thought takes root, you begin to rifle through the bad-scenarios-drawer in your head of all the possible ways that this seemingly good thing can go wrong.

Contrary to what we said earlier, these feelings happen not because of outside forces, but ultimately because of our negative attitude towards ourselves. We do not think we can be loved because we do not look at ourselves and see love, and we refuse to believe that someone can admire us because we have no admiration for ourselves. “They think I’m smart, but I don’t think I’m smart, so they must be lying.” We begin to self-sabotage; we pick, and we prod, and we light ourselves on fire because that’s the only debris we can find to burn.

This thought process can often lead to withholding affection, reacting indifferently or resentfully to positive acknowledgement or affection, becoming paranoid or suspicious of a partner, losing interest in sexuality, being overly critical of a partner, or feeling resistant to being vulnerable.

I think this is an important definition in the dating dictionary because some people don’t even realize they have these intimacy issues. If you don’t let yourself be loved, you’re more likely to think that you don’t deserve to be; and it’s a cruel cycle that benefits no one.

The only way to conquer a fear of intimacy is fighting against what your fear makes you want to do. Consider immersion therapies; they’re designed to put you in direct contact with your phobias so they no longer have power over you. That tactic doesn’t work in every situation, but as for problems with intimacy, you must challenge the negative outlook you have of yourself and stop pushing people away. It’s been said that Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. If you expect to get over your issues with intimacy by continuing to treat everyone who walks into your life like a doormat and beating yourself up over it, you might want to observe how you can alter this behavior.

Understanding that you’re doing something wrong is not enough to help you, in any situation. To improve, criticism is important, but the change based on what you learned from your past mistakes is what matters.

Obviously, with anything and especially with wellness, take this journey one day at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it was built. Undoing all the pain of your own inner criticisms and rebuilding a better version of yourself isn’t going to be an overnight process, but it’s something you can to work at everyday, and it doesn’t matter how little or how much. Remember, it does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop.

What are you thinking? Do you feel like you have intimacy issues after reading this article? Do you know someone who definitely has them? How do you deal?

Let me know in the comments below, and be sure to share with friends! Remember to follow Sonic Eclectic on Facebook and YouTube for updates, and don’t forget to subscribe to The Femme Spot on Twitter and our Facebook page.

You can catch me and The Ladies of Femme every Sunday morning at 11 by clicking on our LIVE tab, and in the five boroughs weekly, Wednesdays at 9:30 am & 5 pm on these channels TWC 34 | OPT 67 | RCN 42 | Fios 82 via Brooklyn Speech all of July starting this week!

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Sometimes people hurt you in so many little ways that you don’t remember what it felt like to be unbothered. It can be a lack of validation or attention, a lessening in personal consideration for the other person, disrespect, not being the same person you were when you met them, them not being the person you thought you needed, the list goes on. All these things are forms of heartbreak. When you’ve finally found yourself at your wit’s end, you call it quits.

What do you do with your time now?

Some people mourn very grimly and very publicly, shedding tears and their reservations about showing emotion in front of others. Other people seem to move on immediately. They take action now and ask the emotional questions later. We all grieve differently.

It sounds dramatic but honestly I feel that it is. Losing someone who knows a ton about you, who voluntarily pledged to always take care of you, that’s some serious stuff. The one thing you knew for sure about became the question at the forefront of your every day existential crisis, that’s heartbreak, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Is it always going to be that way? Absolutely not; but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck if and when it happens to you.

Maybe I’m just speaking from experience, but it hurts because you carry it around. What’s worse is you can’t really explain it to anyone; at most people can sympathize, but they don’t really know for sure because everyone feels things differently.

The only way to improve is to start picking up things that you enjoy, things you always wanted to do that your past-partner might not have let you do, or something crazy and outside of your comfort zone that you were secretly always wanting to try. My personal favorite is the break-up piercing: piercings require care and attention, much like a relationship, and they make you look super edgy.

You might hurt from time to time, but there’s a reason for those feelings and you need to explore them. Running away from your emotions is a sure-fire way on how to find yourself at a dead-end with them, sometimes in the least-healthy way. Also, in this exploration, you realize all the things you weren’t so happy with during your relationship, and how you’ll use those instances to better yourself and what you’ll never put up with again. You realize that not only were there bad times, and you’re glad to have survived them, but there were also good times, and you should be glad you got to experience them. Memories don’t lose value just because you’re now estranged from those who are in them.

When thinking wellness and relationships, the only thing that really comes to mind is that they’re learning experiences. I know people learn so much while they’re in relationships, but don’t forget how much you learn about yourself and what you deserve when you’re alone.

Tell me how you feel, when was the last time you got your heart broken? How did you handle it? Where are you now?

Let me know in the comments below, and be sure to share with friends! Remember to follow SONIC ECLECTIC on Facebook and YouTube for updates!

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To answer one of your many impending questions, the chia seed stems from the plant Salvia Hispanica, which is a close cousin of mint. It’s said that ancient Aztecs and Mayans prized the chia seed for their ability to provide strength and energy. I feel as though through my week-long journey with these little tiny seeds, I have had more energy over the course of the few days, and I feel more awake.

Also through my research through the internet for information on this so-called “super food,” I read a lot about how they size up to flax seeds. Some say flax is better, others mainly levied with chia, but for the good of myself I went with chia seeds because I’ve heard about them far too much not to try them, mainly from my trendy vegan friends. Chia seeds are also tasteless, which means you can put them in any food. In contrast, flax seeds must be ground up (already too much prep work for me) and taste vaguely like peanut butter, a taste that probably wouldn’t work well in a large percentage of my food or at all considering I don’t like peanut butter.

Unlike flax, chia seeds do not need to be ground. They also absorb 10 times their weight in liquid, which makes them amazing if you’re someone who retains a lot of water. If you decide to put them in your food, remember to drink a lot of water throughout the day so you don’t get dehydrated. I actually started with one tablespoon of chia with lemon in water and I found it fun to drink (or eat). When you soak chia in liquid, it develops a jellylike texture around the seed which holds the water, with a similar texture to the flesh of coconut that they put in certain coconut water brands. It also has a bit of a crunch, which I found cute and reminiscent of lychee gels. I had to keep refilling my water bottle because the chia to water ratio was way off, but it was also a good way to encourage me to drink more and often.

I bought a 2lb. bag at one of those wholesale warehouse shopping centers for about $10 and I thought it was kind of a gyp, but then I realized how small these seeds are. They’re literally a little bit bigger than a hair follicle when you pull it out by the root, and honestly they look a little bit like bugs.

With a fresh, fairly sizable bag of chia and not a single clue, I decided (for at least a day) to put the seeds in every single one of my foods. I don’t think this is healthy or recommended, but I was really gung-ho about introducing them into my diet and the information I read said that chia seeds are a good way to curb hunger by staying fuller longer, due to their liquid-retention capabilities. I personally think I could benefit by eating less, so I thought it would be an interesting way to cut down my portions. That day I had the water with lemon, a single serve packet oatmeal with a 3/4 cup of granola, a light and fit yogurt with fruit and 1 cup of the same granola, and a spinach salad with chicken, tomato, and raspberry vinaigrette dressing. (Something about vinaigrettes makes me feel excessively healthy, wouldn’t you agree?)

I put around a half a table spoon to one full tablespoon of chia seeds in all of these foods and I found myself feeling weighed down by the end of breakfast. Typically, I’m ravenous a good 20 minutes after I finish eating my first meal of the day so I was honestly surprised. However, my brain still wanted me to eat, so I tried to drink tea and have more water to pacify the neuron signals. I felt bloated with liquid because of this need to placate my pathology, which at first I thought was contradictory because of the chia. Slowly it did pass and I think it considerably cut down the amount I snacked throughout the day. Every day after, I have added chia to at least one or two meals or drinks I ingest during the day, (usually my first drink of the day, lemon water) and I can definitely sense a difference in my eating habits.

The main take aways from chia is that they are high in fiber, protein, and Omega-3 fatty acids; three items of which I recognize everyone could use a lot more of.

Also, for someone who is worried about hereditary disease, chia helps with glucose and insulin tolerance and major cardiovascular risk problems. They also are packed with high levels of antioxidants and help reduce inflammation.

Ultimately, I’m having a good experience with chia, because it has curbed my hunger, but I find myself a little lost. What do I do with all this free time that I am not snacking? I honestly feel like I lost an integral part of myself, the part of myself that enjoyed eating for sport and eating often. My brain still tells my body, “You’re watching some Netflix? Go get a bite to eat!” but my stomach insists she’s doing okay. It’s all very confusing. Maybe in due time this will subside, like kicking a habit. In the mean time, I have taken up more book reading as well as exploring.

In the mean time, tell me what you think about Chia Seeds! Have you tried them? How do you like to use them?

Let us know in the comments below, and be sure to share with friends! Remember to follow SONIC ECLECTIC on Facebook and YouTube for updates!

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Mine is always a go-to compliment, people love hearing about how much you like them. Of course, sometimes you stroke the ego too much and it backfires, but that’s more a reflection of them than you.

Getting out there and meeting new people isn’t easy. I don’t think I’ve met a new person who was actually anywhere near the potential relationship radar in months. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen. Not for a long while. But what’s most important is being open to new experiences.

If you do the same things, see the same people, and go to the same places, eventually you’ll hit a wall with interaction. I myself like to lead an adventurous life, an action-packed train with a destination for success. But that doesn’t always leave me time to meet new people or room to be comfortable with the idea of committing to someone and trying to fit them into my life.

Not only is getting out there about getting to know new people, but it’s also about letting a new person know you. I ask myself, “Am I going to scare them off talking about this? Am I sharing too early? Am I not interesting enough for them?” It becomes almost like you’re aiming to fit a mold due to worry. I these situations, I remember that everything that is happening is completely brand new, and therefore has no rules. The idea of having no guidelines is scary, but the easiest-to-do-hardest-to-believe piece of advice is to be yourself and go with your gut. If you aren’t crazy about something, say so. If you want more of something, voice how you feel. People respect honesty and those who see honesty are more likely to reciprocate.

There is a slight, but very real, possibility of someone manipulating your feelings. Again, another reflection of them rather than you. Dating is supposed to be fun, even bad dates teach you something positive. I’ve been on a load of bad dates and even ones that weren’t so bad but just weren’t what I wanted. What I want is still unclear, but what I do know is that I would prefer someone else.

To investigate more on the feral beast that is the modern dating scene, I read Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance. He, along with Eric Klinenberg, had a lot of good points and interesting cross-cultural research on what dating has been like throughout the years. Ultimately, he said what I’m saying now: be yourself and try new things. That right-swipe won’t become anything if you never meet them in person. A relationship of any kind is never built on a lie. If you click, there’s a reason. But the first step is the approach and taking the plunge.

What do you think, is the worst part of dating that step outside your comfort zone? Or are you a social butterfly who loves to interact with new people?

Let us know in the comments below, and be sure to share with friends! Remember to follow SONIC ECLECTIC on Facebook and YouTube for updates!

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We have the best kind (“Alana is my best friend because I wouldn’t function properly without her in my life.”), the kind that you only see in specific settings (“Melanie, my friend from camp/work/class.”), the kind you meet in crazy situations (“I met Andy at this party where neither of us knew the host. I don’t remember it all, but basically we drank an entire handle of the strongest liquor they had and stole their giraffe statue. We’ve been friends ever since.”), the list goes on. We have many friends for many different aspects of our lives, and not everyone is meant to stay, but they’re all meant to teach you something.

Friendship is an extremely important variable in dating. To be in a successful relationship, I feel as though you need to find a friendship in whoever you’re dating before anything. While friendships don’t always blossom before relationships do, I find that as long as both parties are working towards knowing and understanding one another fully, a companionship of epic proportions can be created. After all, arranged marriages, as archaic and borderline inhumane as they seem, have the possibility to grow into mature and healthy relationships because of the fact that two people learn to love and respect one another.

In learning to love, friendship plays a big part. Learning to love someone means that you acknowledge their faults and supplement them in the ways that you can. It means not trying to change someone, but complement them in a way to help them to be their best. It also means if ever necessary to draw a line and having the other person respect that. A large basis of friendship is respecting someone for who they are and letting them be that for you. As beautiful of a sentiment, it’s a hard thing to push out of your mind all the ways you desire to “fix” someone and just accepting them how they are. This is a feat I still have yet to master, and at this rate, I genuinely wonder if I ever will.

When talking about friendship and dating, we get into the unchartered, often dangerous, territory of a Friend with Benefits. Personally, I have no clue what this is supposed to mean, because wouldn’t that technically constitute as a significant other? “Benefits” infers sexual intimacy, but the “Friends” bit should connotate that respect and acceptance in a relationship between two people: a reliance upon that person for support, a willingness to share more than just your body with a person. If you do all those things with them, that sounds like a whole relationship to me without a title attached.

I don’t think many people see it that way, but they should. If you’re having multiple friends with benefits situations, it seems like a lot to juggle based on this loosely-defined phrase. Even one can seem like a ton of work if you talk to them consistently, spend regulated time with one another. Casual sex is so different from being friendly and involved with someone in the way a “Friends with Benefits” situation might suggest.

Often, when people tell me about their FWB situations, it seems more like a reoccurring one-night-stand. They’re detached from this person, in however which way: mentally, emotionally, socially; but the physicality of the act keeps them around. When it comes to me, I can’t just enjoy empty sex like that. I have to like the person that I’m choosing to give myself to, because if I don’t enjoy their company, I don’t see any point to engage. Meaningless sex has more often than not left me feeling dirty, used, and disappointed, simply because it’s just a movement without an emotional response.

It’s like exercise. You start because you’re aiming for a specific means to an end, whether it be for the hormone high to release in your brain or for the physical proof of your body developing. When you’re working towards a goal, you attribute your success to an emotional response: happiness in this example. Every time you get closer to your goal, your emotional resonance with that feeling gets stronger. If you went to the gym and saw no results, felt no different and saw no interaction between your goal and your work, you’d probably stop going. The same premise lies in a relationship lacking an emotional connection. If you don’t really get anything out of it but a good lay, if even that, doesn’t that get boring eventually? How does something like that truthfully enrich your life?

With this question in mind, Friends with Benefits situations end one of two ways. Either you start dating, or you don’t because one of you caught feelings and the other is completely fine with the physical. I always find that part so uncomfortable, because it’s just sad. Someone is willing to say, “let’s do this,” and the other person has to turn them down because they just don’t feel the same. And even if two people give a shot at a relationship, eventually one person could realize it wasn’t what they wanted and they would have to let the other person down, if it even ends that amicably. It’s a very sad situation that comes from a hollow foundation to begin with.

What do you think, have you been in Friends with Benefits situations? Do you care for them? Do they work for you?

Let us know in the comments below, and be sure to share with friends! Remember to follow SONIC ECLECTIC on Facebook and YouTube for updates!

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You see how happy other people are and it melts your heart and disgusts you all at the same time. You think, “Why haven’t I found someone like that? I’m x,y, and z, don’t I deserve a beautiful, blossoming, growth-inducing love?” The rant could go on, comparing yourself to the people in that relationship, with lengthy ‘pros and cons’ lists of that person who has a significant other who is madly in love with him/her and how they’re somehow a vile human being and therefore don’t deserve love as much as you.

STOP. DOING. THIS. 

Being jealous of other people’s relationships sabotages a chance at your own. 

I’ll be the first one to say I’m jealous, but I’m also the first one to say how happy I am for someone. I’m never going to deny my feelings. I’ll admit my salt and also show the sweetness; because as much as I aspire to “relationship goals,” they’re hard to achieve, that’s why they’re goals. If they were easy, they wouldn’t matter so much. And honestly, it’s great that people find love at all, because love is rare as well as fleeting. Everything in this world has an end, and relationships are not exempt. It is very plausible a couple held on a pedestal will break up, with their idea of love forever tainted, and you can feel a little more smug knowing you called it from the get-go. But if you keep watching and scrutinizing love without participation, your removal from a situation can give you a big head. You think if they tried something else, they would be happy, but you have no clue about how someone might react. There are a lot of situations you can’t control like the ones you play out in your head, and with this growth in imagination, you begin to build wild expectations of your next beau-to-be. Wild expectations provide wild disappointments.

“He has to be 6’3″ and buff, tan skin, will bring me flowers to work, will rub my feet, buy me makeup, drive his own car, never ask me to cook for him, yadda yadda yadda.”

I have heard people say these things about who they’d like to date, and I find it unrealistic. I’m all for standards and preferences, because if you’re going to put time into someone you should want every part of them, but you gotta have a little wiggle room. Not everyone is going to be built to your classifications. People are filled with experience and fears and aspirations and just like plants, we grow so many different directions to find our slice of sunlight. Also, a relationship is a team effort. If you want someone who’s tall, dark and sexy, and all you bring to the table is a mouth that complains and hands that cannot serve themselves, you’re fishing with no bait.

Relationships are based on compatibility. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to enjoy the same things, but more of a matching in enthusiasm. There are going to be a lot of couples you meet where you can’t understand why they’re together, but for some reason it works. I wish I could tell you what the key to that is, but I haven’t found it myself .

What I do know is that focusing on other people’s relationships doesn’t help where you are; whether it be single, married, in an open relationship, what have you. You know what you want. If you see something that interests you, introduce it into your relationship, or try to obtain it by stepping outside of your comfort zone. Try to meet in the middle with your partner as well as yourself. Focus on what you want. be honest with yourself, and what you aspire for will gravitate towards you. The power of positive thinking is so strong and not enough people believe it.

Do you get jealous of other people? Are you someone who loves to harp on other people’s relationships? Are you in a relationship that’s constantly under a watchful gaze?

Let us know in the comments below, and be sure to share with friends! Remember to follow SONIC ECLECTIC on Facebook for updates!

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If you’ve dated, more likely than not, you’ve been dumped, or have dumped someone.

(For all of you love birds who have been together since the first day you laid eyes on each other and have been inseparable since, this article is not for you. However, as a courtesy, please forward this link to your friends who haven’t been in relationships for awhile. Thank you.)

As the saying goes, breaking up is hard to do. Depending on the reason as well as the current standing of your relationship, it only gets more difficult. There are different varieties, such as The (very rare) Amicable Break-Up, where you just universally stop wanting to entertain a relationship one another, or the It’s Not You, It’s Me, which usually means it’s something they don’t like about you anymore. There’s also the volatile Emotion-Fueled Break-Up, starter pack including a deceit, distrust, and/or a solid object of which someone threw at the other’s head as they set all of their belongings on the front lawn. Home-wrecker sold separately.

The by far worst break up, though, is the one you don’t expect, because you aren’t even really dating. Singling-Mingling-You starts out really excited to start seeing someone, but after you hang out once, they start dodging your calls, texts, or you altogether. You feel like crap, not only because you really thought you could be with them, but also that you don’t even know if you were exclusive to each other. Doubt sits on your shoulder, whispering, “what if they were seeing you and four other people and they liked you the least?” (This is what I like to call The Weakest Link effect.)

Dating nowadays can be rough, because you have to swim in multiple pools. That whole “there’s more fish in the sea” analogy? Yeah, there are more fish, but, you gotta catch a couple and weed out the one you want by process of elimination. What if you thought you were ready to commit to this fish, and it turned out to be poisonous? You can’t just go one by one by one when you’re out in the dating pool, because truthfully there’s too many heads to comb through. Also, more likely than not, you’re not sure what you’re looking for, but with budding technologies and a variety of people with different expectations, you end up finding all the things you could care less about.

I swore to thirteen-year-old self that if I ever broke up with someone, I would never get back together with them. Now, no one is perfect, and of course I’ve aimed to get back into the gathered graces of my exes with a little fooling around along the way, but I can proudly say I’ve never said had those “getting-back-together” plans follow through, whether it be the universe or myself to thank.

Now, being past recalling being dumped or doing dumping before, I can admit those experiences have made me a better person. Getting dumped doesn’t always mean the end of the world. As cheesy as it sounds, you get to date yourself by putting your needs before anyone else’s. You get to ask yourself the questions other’s may not have thought to, like what you truly want; what do you want to be, what do you want to do, what do you want to improve? The possibilities are endless. You are free to try new things, be as much of yourself as you can muster, and you don’t have to worry about anyone holding a microscope to your actions they might not like.

The transition to a party-of-one from a tandem-twosome can be less-than-stellar, but for a lot of people I know including myself, the best thing that could have happened to them is being dumped by someone who they realized later was toxic to their well-being. After you get dumped, you realize how truthfully awful that person was. Sometimes you realize, “I was the best part of them, and they chose to let me go.” Other times, you come to the realization that you can now do that thing you always wanted to do but never had the opportunity to when you were in that relationship, like dyeing your hair green or taking up fencing. Being dumped can be rewarding if you just remember to pick yourself up out of your own sadness. For those of us who are in love with our own griping and moaning, a good friend and an activity you enjoy can do a world of good on a damaged heart.

Also, a great way to get over a break up is to take up another activity, such as the timeless solution of exercising. There is no better revenge than being happy, healthy, sexy and successful. As a spite-driven individual, I aim to better myself on all levels just so they can peep my graceful ascension into greatness via social networking and suck it. Regardless of your motivation, remember that you can always improve yourself, and getting dumped might just be the kick you needed.

How do you feel about being dumped? Would you rather be dumped or put the final nail in the coffin yourself? What’s the worst break up you went through, where are you now, and how did you handle it? Let us know in the comments!

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In this day and age, a recent phenomenon has emerged, called “cuffing season.” During this “cuffing season,” within the months leading up to winter, you’re on a quest to find a “BAE” (Before Anyone Else). People make hilarious memes about draft picks, when the window closes to choose, etc. Everyone needs someone to cuddle with on those cold days, right? Oddly enough, people take this thing seriously. If you don’t have a significant other during wintertime, you can’t help but feel like the odd one out. But as soon as that warm weather comes around, most couple bonds fizzle out like they never even existed in the first place; which if you ask me, they shouldn’t have.

Why date just to date? I think it’s because Millenials need to be continuously stimulated. By conversation, by music, by Instagram-filter clad photos of food and exotic locations, the list goes on. Also, relationships, when done correctly, can just be fun. Sharing the holidays with someone never loses its novelty, so I don’t blame other people for wanting that. I don’t personally engage in this type of thing just because I find it impersonal. Not to assume a status above anyone, I just never meet people who I find interesting enough to continuously spend time with and consider to be more than just friends. Also, I feel like a lot of people choose to fill up their time by being in a relationship instead of working on themselves, which is not my idea of fun. If I’m constantly growing, I expect you to be too. I usually only find people who grow together are couples who have been together for like 4-5 years.

I just wonder, how do you find the potential in another person to grow together? Does that blossom out of cuffing season? (How do you even enter the draft? I feel like I’m stuck playing college ball forever.) How much of them do you keep and how much of them are you willing to change? If its too much, do you let go? I have way too many questions, and I know that I should experience it in hopes of answering them all, but in complete honesty, I’m scared. Scared of breaking someone’s heart, scared of someone breaking mine, scared of being in a dead-end relationship, scared of having more options but missing them.

Ultimately, I have a lot of respect for those who engage because I choose to sit on the sidelines. I choose to watch more than interact, and try to figure out the game before I play for fear of messing up. I see those people who jump in and out of relationships faster than you could say the words cuffing season, and it mystifies me.

I remember this guy on the outskirts of my friend group really liked me, and I could just tell from the first time meeting him. He was enchanted by me, he couldn’t take his eyes off me. We had a good conversation but I can tell I was the one leading. He never argued with me, something I absolutely detest because if you don’t have your own thoughts, we won’t work. One of my close friends who knew him said I should give the guy a chance but I didn’t want to because I knew his type. He seems like someone who would never go anywhere, because isn’t really making strides to go anywhere now. Plus, he isn’t really my type, but that information is negligible.

When I explained all these reasons why I didn’t want to give this guy a chance, my close friend asked if I dated around. Absolutely not. Dating is an investment, just like my apparel, or my education. If I were to date that guy, that would give a message to other people, specifically other guys, that I enjoy spending time with people who have no ambition. Being an ambitious young woman, I refuse to market myself that way. By all means, it’s very nice that he liked me, for all the reasons that I was what he aimed to be, but I’m not going to date someone because they like me. A lot of people like me, I get approached very often to go out on dates and I continuously refuse because I either don’t know that person, or I don’t want to be intimately attached to an individual that I know relatively well. I’m in no position to teach someone how to be driven, or how to be like me. I get a lot of my spirit from my parents, so I highly doubt you could really teach a person that behavior. I am nobody’s mother, so I’m not going to teach you how you should be living your own life.

I don’t think cuffing season contestants look at relationships like that, so that’s probably why they continue to play the game. Must be nice, ignorance and it’s bliss.

Tell me what you think: am I high strung? Is this rational?
How do you feel about cuffing season, waste of time or time of your life?

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